Teenagers
Mothers & Teenagers
By Virginia J. Pillsbury
As another Mother's Day approaches, it's a good time to reflect on the important relationships between mothers and their children.
Sociologists and other experts will concur there really is no other relationship more emotionally charged than that of a mother and her children. Just knowing that as a mother, you have the utmost and sometimes overwhelming responsibility to help shape your child's future, health and safety can be daunting.
Is motherhood easy? No way. In fact, you can guarantee there will be bumps, many bumps along the way - think ages 13 to 17.
Rewarding? Absolutely. It's a life-changing role most mothers would readily tell you, they wouldn't trade for all the treasures in the world.
Local pediatrician Mary E. Soha, M.D., believes that preparing boys and girls for the teenage years begins very early with no less, potty training.
''If you potty train by telling your child that all the other kids are going on the potty, then you're setting yourself up for trouble in the teens,'' said Soha. ''The concept of self-discipline starts young and grows as the child grows.''
''Being a mother is the best and the hardest job,'' said Heidi Pomm, PhD, coordinator, Division of Behavioral Science, Family Medicine Residency Program at St. Vincent's Medical Center.
Much of the hype centers on teenaged girls and their mothers. And while that is sometimes trying for both, Pomm and other experts say, it's entirely normal.
''It is the developmental job of the teenager to separate and become independent,'' Pomm said. ''Society has blown it out of proportion somewhat, but the teen years are rarely totally smooth sailing. They require work on the part of the parent and the child.''
Pomm said, often when mothers see their daughters growing up, wearing more grown-up clothes and responding to them flippantly, they get scared. ''We're reminded of how we were when we were teens.''
As a result, many mother/daughter conversations may be fear-driven without either party realizing it. The daughter is afraid that she is going to lose what little independence she has; the mother is afraid that if her daughter makes a mistake or gets hurt that she has failed as a mother.
Welcome to the power struggle.
''Parents need to recognize the power struggle and learn not to get caught up in one,'' explained Pomm. ''They need to act instead of react. Be careful with your words - don't say things that will cause hurts that could last for years.''
Soha agreed. ''You can't teach or communicate when teens are emotional,'' Soha said. ''Write down what you want to say and wait until things calm down,'' she cautioned.
As strong and sometimes tempestuous as the bonds are between mothers and their daughters, mothers do play an important role with their sons as well.
''Mothers tend to be more tenderhearted than dads, and sons may learn to go to their moms to get a female perspective,'' said Pomm. ''A mother is a role model to her son for how to treat girls and a model for how he should expect to be treated by women. They need to let their teenaged boys know they are always willing to discuss anything with them.''
Society, too, has different expectations for teenaged boys and girls.
According to Pomm, mothers should address these expectations and encourage their sons to communicate and express themselves in spite of societal expectations. ''While it is generally socially acceptable for girls to be emotional and express their feelings, society implicitly encourages boys to keep their feelings - other than anger, happiness and pride - hidden.''
''The teen years are the most intense growing stage,'' Soha said. ''There is also a greater chance of something going wrong during this stage. There could be a physical or medical reason for a behavior.''
Both experts agree that it's important to be an involved parent - know your teen, boy or girl. It's an emotional time. However, if you're there helping them navigate through these sometimes stormy years, it could be smooth sailing thereafter.
Tom Coughlin
His Super Bowl champion game plan for living a good and healthy lifestyle
By Joy Batteh-Freiha
In March, I had the pleasure of sitting down with New York Giants Coach Tom Coughlin while he was in Jacksonville hosting his annual Tom Coughlin Jay Fund Foundation Wine Tasting Gala.
Considering all he's achieved in the past few months, one would think Coughlin's resting on his laurels, kicking back and enjoying the downtime.
Well, that's hardly the case.
The first-time Super Bowl champion coach, whose team stunned the previously undefeated New England Patriots, 17-14, in Super Bowl XLII, shrugged off the very mention of downtime and confessed that he's busier now than ever - and he likes it that way.
To some, this may seem like the expressively unbending Tom Coughlin we watched in the stands or on television for the nine seasons he coached the Jacksonville Jaguars. And in many ways, that's true.
However, well before winning the Super Bowl in February, the media reported on a ''reinvented'' Coughlin, one whose team and fans took notice and responded with an about-face.
No one can dispute the joy of winning the title of ''Champions'' with all its glory and fame so rightly earned - especially true this year with its record-breaking potency.
And what was to go along with that impressive, much-sought-after Vince Lombardi Trophy, Coughlin's reward for his astonishing feat? A new four-year contract that assures him approximately $21 million, making him one of the highest-paid coaches in the National Football League.
Still in many respects, Coughlin remains true to himself. He recognizes his limits. He's proud but humble. He puts his family first. He continues to challenge himself, and he's still principled in his beliefs both on and off the football field - qualities formidable in any man.
Plus, he remains committed to First Coast families, whose children are suffering from leukemia and other childhood cancers through his Tom Coughlin Jay Fund Foundation. It was established in 1996 in honor of Jay McGillis, who played football for Coughlin at Boston College, and who lost his battle with leukemia at age 21. McGillis' courage and dignity throughout his illness inspired Coughlin to help other families placed in similar situations and to help fund clinical and laboratory research.
In more than 10 years of existence, the Jay Fund Foundation has donated more than $2 million to help children and their families on the First Coast, and since 2004, in the greater New York metropolitan area.
''The Jay Fund has always remained a focal point in my life,'' Coughlin said. ''Children with cancer and their families go through an emotional and financial struggle that is overwhelming to imagine.''
During an exclusive 20-minute interview with H Magazine, Coughlin discussed several topics including what he does to stay fit, how he handles the stress of the media, nutrition, football, his family and more.
H Magazine: How does it feel to be a Super Bowl champion coach?
Coughlin: It's a great feeling - no greater joy. For the people I look up to also, and my joy for them as well. It's even better knowing that some of our veteran players like Jeff Feagles, Mike Strahan and Amani Toomer were able to experience this joy along with some of our younger players like Eli Manning. To achieve their goal, is a dream come true for them; they produced history! And for the owners, John Mara and Steve Tisch, to make them proud, it equals only the best feeling.
Knowing you're the best in the world in your profession gives you a euphoric feeling of accomplishment. Again, it's unbelievable joy!
H Magazine: What was it like for you and your team the night before the Super Bowl?
Coughlin: The night before the Super Bowl, at that point, you already get the feeling you're the champions of the world. And, you look to your family and the people who bring you tremendous joy and satisfaction. It's reflective.
H Magazine: You still have many fans and a respected presence in Jacksonville. Not only because of the good work the Jay Fund Foundation provides, but because there's history rooted here with you being the inaugural coach of the Jacksonville Jaguars. Many people in Jacksonville were pulling for you.
Coughlin: I sensed it all along. I still have many friends in Jacksonville. Two of my children [Keli and Brian] live here. I learned after the game that Jacksonville was the fourth-leading city in media coverage and audience viewing. That was exciting to me, and a great feeling.
H Magazine: How do you handle the stress of the varied media outlets in New York and what they report?
Coughlin: New York is the media capital of the world. I just stay focused on the moment and what's happening now. The media can be condemnatory, which in many cases is felt by the families of those being condemned more so than by me or the team.
H Magazine: How do you relax in the off-season?
Coughlin: There's really not much off-season. You work until June. I spend time with my family - my children and grandchildren.
H Magazine: How do you stay fit? What helps you with stamina to endure a season of football, including the traveling and varied weather elements?
Coughlin: Working out is something I do for myself. I do a strength-training program year-round, plus, conditioning with cardio and running about five times a week during the off-season.
During the season, I work-in cardio at least three times a week, but I exercise five times a week.
H Magazine: Do you come from a family who stressed the importance of good health, eating well and exercise?
Coughlin: I think there's more of an awareness of the importance of staying fit and good health with my generation. We're more aware of potential diseases that come from not paying attention to your health. In order to have longevity and good health, it commands being aware of what to do.
Travel
Safe & Stress-Free Travel
By Jackie G. Rooney
Summer vacation time is just around the Memorial Day corner, and while you're perusing travel brochures, keep in mind that pre-planning is key to a stress-free, healthy travel experience. Before opening a suitcase to toss in underwear, a toothbrush and pajamas, be a savvy traveler and consider not only what sights to see, but also risks associated with visiting specific destinations and availability of medical care in case of injury or illness.
Before you go:
Find out what the weather will be at your destination and pack accordingly, including items that can be layered for different weather conditions. Don't forget comfortable shoes and waterproof outerwear. Take alcohol-based hand sanitizer as well as sunscreen. A voltage adapter for portable appliances could come in handy on foreign soil.
Call your hotel or visit its Web site to assess cleanliness. If a hotel is undergoing renovation, there could be excess noise and dust. Check availability of smoke-free and allergy-free rooms and in-room temperature controls. A list of hotels with smoke free rooms can be found at www.freshstay.com.
When planning foreign travel, consult your travel agent for information about the customs, culture and laws of your destination. Register your trip agenda free at https://travelregistration.state.gov so the Department of State can assist in case of an emergency. Leave copies of your itinerary with family or friends, to aid in contacting you in case of an emergency.
Foreign travel:
Make certain your passport is valid and won't expire before you return. Web sites for the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (www.cdc.gov), the World Health Organization (www.who.int/en), and the U.S. State Department's Overseas Citizens Services (www.travel.state.gov/index.html), provide information about health issues, advisories at foreign destinations and inoculations you may need.
In countries where insect-borne diseases proliferate, travelers may need medications to help thwart malaria and vaccinations for illnesses such as yellow fever. It's a smart idea to see your doctor before traveling to a foreign country. Inoculations should be given weeks in advance to allow time for immunity to develop. Start anti-malarial meds before you leave and continue until you return. Older adults, people with immune suppression and women in their third trimester of pregnancy should take extra precautions. Pregnant women shouldn't take some immunizations and medicines and should avoid places at risk for diseases, such as malaria, Hepatitis A and B, meningococcal meningitis, typhoid and yellow fever.
A good dose of common sense is the best protection against contracting a foreign bug. Treatment centers may not be available for emergency illness, so protect against food- and water-borne diseases by avoiding raw fruits and vegetables, undercooked or raw meats, non-pasteurized dairy products and food that could contain uncooked eggs - hollandaise sauce and Caesar salad dressing - tap water, beverages with ice cubes, and food sold by street vendors.
Just in case:
Travel insurance is available for trips involving expensive and non-refundable deposits for airfares, cruise tickets, hotel fees, high-ticket entertainment and tours. Policies offer a slew of extra protections, compare options before signing up. Prices vary, but travelers can get coverage for a variety of reasons, from illness, death or acts of terrorism to extreme weather, airline strikes or business reasons. Some policies reimburse for lost luggage, prepaid golf greens fees when a game is canceled, identity theft or travel delays. Prices are based on options chosen, the traveler's age, and length and price of the trip. It's best to purchase the insurance when you book the trip.
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